| Where'd my happy life disappear to? |
[Sep. 12th, 2004|12:13 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  rejected | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Yellowcard | ] |
I ALWAYS ruin everything. If anything is ever going the slightest bit good, something messes it up. I'm tired of my life just getting worse each day. And I'm so freakin tired right now that I can't think straight. So I'm sorry for whatever I always do to piss people off. Because somehow I manage to achieve that. I hope you understand that this makes me feel really really bad. Maybe I should just call it quits? Would that be the best thing now??? You couldn't possibly know how awful I feel. Just another thing to add to my worthless life I guess. It's so sad how at times NOTHING can be going right. And then that one thing you were holding onto that made you feel just a bit better and you could make it through the day because of, just disappears.
So wish me luck that my whole life might get better and I might actually have something to be happy about. Because all I ever seem to do is mess things up. |
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| More stuff |
[Sep. 9th, 2004|07:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
I heard this on the radio tonight. Seems to fit my life right now...
Simple Plan: Welcome to My Life
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you?
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room
With the radio on turned up so loud
And no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me...
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles
And stupid lies
While deep inside your bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me...
No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabs you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work
It was always there
You don't know what it's like
What it's like
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
***************************************
So today was eh, ok I guess. Not the worst day. Which is really good actually.
Got my spanish done. Now I just have to do my english and study for math cuz I'm still not done with that stupid test! Talk about stress. THREE DAYS! Gotta make those flash cards too. I need to REMEMBER that.
I keep thinking things. They're not good. NO, can't think like that.
Went to Walmart and got all my guard stuff I need for tomorrow. Woohoo. So exciting. lol. But then Chels and I went to Martins. hehe.
Drivel...ahaha, that's funny. (inside joke, well not so much a joke, but a really gross thing) |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 8th, 2004|07:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
Today seemed to go better than yesterday did. Even though I didn't get enough sleep at all. I'm sooo tired right now and it's like 7:30. Geez.
So my knees hurt really bad right now. I don't understand why mine are so much worse than everyone elses. I don't even do the dance. And they don't look like they're getting better either.
Chelsey needs to get well again. No more pink eye, no more cold. I need my bestest friend for the game and the contest. =D
Serena, I hope you feel better tomorrow!
My math test got postponed until tomorrow. I was happy when we didn't have to take it, but now I don't wanna take it at all.
Wow, when I'm super tired I complain way too much. Sorry guys.
Is it just me or is anyone else not exactly thrilled that we have a contest Saturday? I'm just not really into it like I usually am. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 7th, 2004|04:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  mellow | ] |
I'm so pissed off at guard right now. The debate begins on whether to do it next year or not.
Another one of those crying days. God I hate um so much.
I think I'm an awful person or something. I must not deserve anything. Just crap. Crap that's below dirt. That's how low I guess I am now.
Well time to go to the torture practice. Maybe it won't be so bad...haha. Right, whatever I wanna say won't change it.
So maybe I'll write more later when I come home and study for my big pre-cal test that I have tomorrow. NOTE TO SELF: Remember to study! |
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| uhhh |
[Sep. 5th, 2004|09:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  silly | ] |
| [ | music |
| | lol ^^^ silly, thats funny | ] |
My brother needs a reality check. He's NOT the center of the universe therefore everything DOESN'T revolve around him. It was SO nice when my dad and him were gone. So so nice. Next years gonna be a blast. lol.
Practice AND a parade tomorrow. Can't you tell I'm excited about that? Heck no.
One more day to sleep in. Oh well, it's better than no more.
And someone stopped by my house today looking for John??? hmm, right...not so sure that he was. Really awkward and silent moment. REALLY weird.
I had to try on the uniforms for Mrs. C when we went over there. lol, that was funny. I wish I could see mine, but not til Tuesday if I'm lucky. But Samuel is soooo cute. And he crawls sooo fast. He pulled out a lot of my hair. It hurt. lol. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 5th, 2004|03:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
My weekends been good so far. Must be cuz of the no guard thing. But that will be wrecked tomorrow when I have to see all of those lovely people. Ha.
I finished my myth essay that I had to write. I actually had fun writing it. Very unusual for me: fun. But it wasn't too bad. And I have it done now so I don't have to have that burden of finishing it.
And then I called the guard girls and told them about the practice change. Most of them weren't even home so I had to leave a message.
But I'm bored so I'm gonna go. |
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| **** |
[Sep. 3rd, 2004|09:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah | ] |
I'm not even gonna say anything. |
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| Sometimes just not even being alive seems better than this thing they call a life... |
[Sep. 2nd, 2004|09:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
I hate everyone now.
My "friends"...nope. They're not friends. They all hate me. They all lie to me. Why? You can't say stuff to me but you can to other people. I'm sure you think I'm a bad person too. Well thanks. I luv u too.
WHAT DID I DO? Why is my life the miserable one? There's tons of worse people than me. Why AM I BLAMED? How am I the bitch? People are so blind and stupid.
I just wanna move away. I want a new life. 2 more years and I can have that. I'm getting as far away from this place as possible. College sounds soooo nice to me right now. As long as I go where no one from Central will be.
I'm gonna go read my book that actually makes me feel better and then I can sleep for 8 hours, which is the best part of my day, and then I can get up at 6 and go see everyone that hates me and talks about me and I can realize how "bad" of a person I am once again for the 5th time this week. And when 5th hour rolls around I get to see all the lovely people who just like me sooo much.
So enjoy you're happy life. I'm happy for you. Oh wait, if I'm such a bitch I wouldn't say that would I? |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 2nd, 2004|08:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
I don't care about anything anymore. |
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